Election season

Well it all ends tomorrow, thank God . . . yes, you know that of which I speak: political "ads" on television.

I'm sorry, but I find these things absolutely despicable. Yes, I want to know the ins and outs of the prospective candidates but if I'm gathering all my info from these television ads, I'm in trouble.

A typical one looks a bit like this:

(Cue ominous music and black-and-white still photos of opponent where he looks like he just got out of bed.)

Narrator: "Senator Jim Smith is a big piece of crap. Not only does he line the pockets of his cronies with your tax money, but he also likes to trip little kids when they're running past him. Do we really want 6 more years of this?"

(Music changes to more lighter fare; the challenger is wearing jeans a nice button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up; he's speaking to three guys in hardhats)

Narrator: "But Peter Jones is the new face of Illinois. Peter used to work 8 jobs after school and he once saved a family of five when their house caught fire. He'll single-handedly knock on your door and give you a check for $1000 and then come in and clean your kitchen. He'll create 28 million jobs in the five minutes after he's elected and cut 90% of your income tax. Isn't it about time for a change?"


And then five minutes later, you see the exact opposite; Peter Jones once molested his neighbor's cat and Senator Smith already created 28 million jobs in the five minutes between commercials. Yeesh.

I'd love for a candidate to rise above all this mud-slinging one year and say, "I'm not going to try to beat my opponent into submission; I've got more integrity than that. Instead, I'll fess up to my mistakes in the past, ask for your forgiveness, and then tell you everything I hope to do once I'm in office. And I promise not to sleep with my secretary . . . "

I'd vote for him . . .