Molly Dolly

Some of you may know more about my recent family situation than others, but I figured I needed to update everyone on our current situation. My 11-year old sister, Molly, was staying at our home for the past two months. She had been with us basically since my dad passed, minus a couple weeks for vacation plans. This proved to be a more trying and sacrificial act than I initially thought. For those of you who have already parented (or are currently parenting) a pre-teen, God bless you! For those of you with pre-teens who are highly energetic and have special needs (given family circumstances, abilities, etc.), God bless you doubly!

Molly falls into both categories and while I love her dearly, it was a struggle to find peace in my days when she was staying with us. Molly has been the youngest in our family for her entire life. So, it was an extremely difficult transition for her to be in our home with two kids aged 3 and just over 1. She was not used to people invading her space or wanting to play with her toys. She was not used to having restrictions on TV and the types of movies she watched. She was not used to having someone who could not help her every minute of the day. She was not used to being a "role model" with little ones looking to her as a model for behavior. And she definitely was not used to the "caretaker" role that an older sibling gets used to pretty quickly. Given all these MAJOR adjustments, Molly did okay. However, that does not mean Heath and I did not have our fair share of battles to diffuse on a DAILY basis....sometimes, it was hourly.

Initially, I was apprehensive about filing a petition for guardianship of Molly. But, at that point in time, there were no other family members who were able to take her on. When someone is in need, you do what has to be done. Period. I knew it would be tough. I knew it would be a big transition for all involved. I knew it would be inconvenient for our household. However, I also knew it was not about *me*. It was about Molly. It was tough for her to not be in the only house she has ever known anymore. It was a big transition to leave her friends. And it was pretty darn inconvenient for her father to die. So, my focus needed to be on this child who needed a safe and stable environment.

After filing a petition, the court appointed an attorney as a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL). Basically, she is Molly's voice in the whole matter since Molly is only 11. She talked to multiple family members, gathered history and pertinent information and through this process, the prospect of my cousin Amy taking Molly arose. Amy has a 12-year old daughter who gets along great with Molly. She also has 5 acres of property with lots of room for a child to roam. She has a pool and a four-wheeler. She has a huge trampoline and best of all, she has various dogs and cats around to keep the kids happy. How can I compete with that?!

Amy called me one afternoon to see if my feelings would be hurt if she also filed a petition for guardianship of Molly. We spoke about the matter and I let her know that no, my feelings would not be hurt. I wanted what was best for Molly. I knew she would be safe and loved in my home, but I did not know how happy she would be. I thought she would probably derive greater happines at Amy's. Plus, she would be able to keep her dog, Blacky, who was a gift from our father last year. Her dog is one of the only remaining links she has to our dad. Unfortunately, Heath has allergies so pets are kind of a dead discussion right now.

The possibility was discussed with Molly, who was practically levitating with the excitement of going to Amy's house! We told her nothing was for sure until the court date.

Fast forward to August 8th, 2007. Our hearing was for 9 am. My mother did show up and was sober. In the end, this was a big blessing because the judge was able to hear firsthand that she could not care for her child at this point in time. The judge "questioned" both Amy and I as witnesses and in the end, temporary guardianship was awarded to Amy. I told him in court that I had no problem with this whatsoever. Going to Amy's would make Molly happier than if she was at our house. So, she is now with my cousin Amy and we have another court date for Oct. 3rd when permanent guardianship will be awarded.

I must say I am relieved and thankful to God. That may sound cold and mean, but I really don't mean it as such. Having Molly here was a huge sacrifice and one that she did not want at all. I know Heath and I have worked hard to create a loving, good, God-respecting household but I cannot MAKE someone be happy here. On one hand, I feel bad. Not necessarily guilty, but bad. Molly felt like this was a prison for her. That makes me feel bad. We do have rules and some structure, but we are FAR from a prison! ;) She had made a couple of comments that were very hurtful and mean, in my opinion, when talking about our house. Heath did a great job on both instances of saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way" because I could not even respond out of being wounded. I mentioned to Heath how I was struggling with these "bad" feelings as I had no other adequate word to describe it and my very wise husband responded with this: (paraphrasing)

"Shannon, there are plenty of other 11-year olds in the world who would probably LOVE to be in our home and who would fit right in. Molly just wasn't one of them. We just weren't a good 'match' for her."

His words have really helped me put a lot into perspective. We all just did not "fit" together well. Given our circumstances, the age of our children, Molly's upbringing and the major loss we are both still raw from feeling, our home was not the puzzle piece Molly needs right now. Could we care for her? Yes. Do we love her? Absolutely! Would it be what is best for her? That's questionable.

I am hoping to find some peace with the situation soon and I know in time, I will get there. I am also hoping to actually begin grieving for my father as this summer has been about settling many other things first. It's surreal to think he passed over two months ago and I still haven't sat down to really, truly and deeply cry for the dad I will miss dearly. I know Molly still has a LONG way to go with her anger and grief too, so please continue to keep us all in your prayers. We are so very grateful for the love and support we have already received!

"Teach me to do your will for you are my God." Psalm 143:10