A Post-Mother's Day Reflection

Our family had a nice day yesterday. After I returned from my early mass, I cooked Shannon breakfast (I almost forgot how to make scrambled eggs!), and Cavan gave his mom some flowers and a card. We went to mass as a family and then out to eat at a restaurant. After returning home, we lounged around for a bit, then I took the kids to the park for an hour to give mom a break. Overall, a nice relaxed day spent with family, while taking some time to give Shannon some much-deserved appreciation for her role as mother.

Our American society makes a big deal about Mother's Day, deservedly so, but doesn't seem to make such a big deal about the importance of mothers the rest of the year. Our society does a very poor job of valuing the maternal role in the vitality of the family. Some countries (in Europe even, which seems to think less of children than we do) give maternal leaves of up to 2 years, knowing how important it is to have mom at home during those formative years. Here in America, you're lucky to get 2 months. One of my student directors had a child about 3 weeks ago, and his wife has to go back to work, against her will, next week, when her precious child is less than a month old. Granted, she provides the only real substantial source of income for the family since my director is a graduate student; nonetheless, I am a firm believer that if a mother wants to stay home with her children, we as a society need to see that that is a viable option.

It's interesting as you grow older and have children of your own that you realize how you often took your own mother (and father, but that's a post for next month :) for granted. Being a parent is one big sacrifice followed by many, many smaller sacrifices. When you hold that child in your arms for the first time, you realize that there is absolutely nothing you would not do for this little creature. Things that seemed so important just days ago, seem trivial in comparison to the awesomeness of this great blessing you've been given. Naturally, you then realize that your own parents felt and still feel the exact same way about you. You start to recall the times in which you didn't fully appreciate that love and concern and to finally start to feel a sense of contrition. I believe I've given some half-hearted apologies to my parents in the recent past for any times that I unintentionally depreciated their role as parent through my actions, though I'm not sure I could ever fully convey my regret. I'm sure they will hear some more "mea culpa" 's as my children grow.

Back to mothers in particular, I was given the great privilege last year to empathize more fully with the role of a mother, when I was able to play the role of "Mr. Mom" for about 25 hours a week when Shannon was working part-time. Prior to that experience, I was laboring under the assumption that moms and dads were somewhat interchangeable, and that as long as one or the other filled all the necessary roles of a parent, that all would be well. I don't feel that way anymore. It became quite clear to me during that 11-month period that God definitely made man and woman equal in dignity, but endowed them with different roles to play in the familial structure. In other words, He made moms to be moms and dads to be dads. Trying to be a mom to a young Cavan last year didn't work out as well as we would have liked, though it was a wonderful learning experience that helped us to bond greatly. But to think I could ever do the job as well as Shannon could is downright laughable.

So now a shout-out to all the important mothers in my life:

1) My paternal grandmother, now deceased, who raised seven children, one with Down's Syndrome, and could cook a mean hamburger.

2) My maternal grandmother, who raised ten children, and never ceases to amaze me with her mind and energy.

3) My biological maternal grandmother, who raised eight children, and seems to have truly enjoyed every second of it, even when her Air Force husband had to be absent for long stretches of time.

4) My biological mother, who so graciously put my well-being above her own, by putting me up for adoption when other options may have seemed "easier" at the time.

and then the big two:

5) My mother, who raised three boys, and never loved me any less than her two biological children. Truly a wonderful mother and grandmother who wanted a child to love so badly that she took a chance on little old me, a child born not "under her heart, but in it."

6) And my beloved wife, Shannon, a woman who continually inspires me with her faith, her generosity, and deep love for her children and husband. I could not have asked for a better mother for my children.


I love you all!!!