Parenthood: Not all Peaches 'n Cream

As I was sitting down the other night to write up a new post, I was reviewing my previous one from Jan. 21st. That was definitely a "high" day....meaning I was feeling much love for my adorable, cute, cuddly children. Since life seems to be an ongoing process of checks 'n balances, let me tell you that the pendulum has now swung the other way! Don't get me wrong, I love my children. But some days it is far easier to love them than others...like, oh let's say, this past week.

Cavan was sick a week and a half ago. I remember it was Monday because it was Heath's day off from work, which makes the day Jan. 29th. He woke up with a faucet for a nose, an icky-sounding cough and watery eyes that just said "I'm sick". Not a huge deal, Cavan's been sick before...although this winter has seemed to be the winter of never-ending illnesses. We, as a family, have had more bugs than we probably have in total the past few years. (And we haven't been doing anything different...can you say FRUSTRATING?!) Anyway, he was the typical whiny, sick child who was a bit mopey and less energetic than usual.

However, one night last week Heath and I believe he was possessed by something evil. I'm not kidding. I don't know if it was because he was sick, or if it was something he ate or what...he was NOT himself. It didn't help that this manic, screaming episode took place at 4 a.m. I think Heath is planning on posting a little more about it. So, I won't get any further into it other than my child really was acting like a demon. I am not talking his usual "I'm upset because I didn't get what I want" or his extreme, screaming meltdown moments...this was SCARY. Heath, Kellyn and I were all visibly disturbed. Since then, he has also been exhibiting some flares of growing independence...telling me "MO!" (aka "no") more than usual and stomping his foot for emphasis. I am hoping this is a phase rather than a stage because it is VERY trying on my patience and genteleness as a mom.

Now onto Kellyn...she proceeded to acquire whatever virus her brother later that week. Her runny nose started Friday and it is now Wednesday. Cavan was better in two days...her illness is dragging on. She wants to be held constantly because she is sick, she is not sleeping well because she can't breathe and then begins to scream when she wakes in the night. Unlike a normal night, she will not nurse immediately to fall back asleep and when I attempt to move her closer to me, she arches her back and screeches. (Can you say "reactionary"? I have NO idea where she gets that quality...definitely does NOT take after her mother in that fashion...wink, wink.) So, I then sit her up (which she doesn't like), she arches back from that position, I pull her close and she then searches for the breast to nurse. See? All along she wanted to nurse but we have to go through this charade for some reason before she actually WILL nurse. These are just our nights. She despises having her nose wiped and anytime we even inch toward the Kleenex box, she gets upset. All of this has made simple, routine daily activities like eating and going to the bathroom difficult to accomplish. Never mind trying to get anything done other than meeting our basice needs right now. So you can just imagine what my house looks like. :)

I don't mean to sound like a terrible mother. I love my daughter and I know she isn't feeling well. That should move me to compassion. Most of the time, it does. But I have had moments this week where I felt like I was going to hurt somebody or throw something against the wall. (You can all take comfort in the fact that I did neither. I just gave myself a "mommy time-out" in these heated moments.) It doesn't help that we are stranded in the house due to illness and weather. (It has been cold here.) In a normal week, I would have gotten out of the house to do things with the kids, socialize with other moms and regain some sense of sanity...this week, that has been impossible to do.

I guess all of this post is a roundabout way of saying motherhood is definitely a rollercoaster of a ride. Some days, my children are absolute angels and nothing you could say would convince me otherwise. Then, there are days like this past week...when I am 100% convinced that they are the devil's spawn, sent to make me miserable. Life is surely full of ups and downs. For today...I think I need to watch the movie Parenthood and eat some chocolate.