Finding Peace

As a mom, it is sometimes difficult to find peace in your day. There are children to protect, entertain and intrigue to learning. There are daily household tasks to be accomplished (which are usually the first things to go when I am having a rough day). There are phone calls to return and emails to send. There are meals to be prepared and "ouchies" to be kissed. There are adult friendships to nurture and parenting choices to be made. How does one find peace in such chaos?

Recently, I made a journal entry verifying my need to find more peace in my days and let go of some of my insanity. I was getting to place in daily living filled with negativity and stress. My previously average-normal days had become mostly bad days and my previously "bad" days had become REALLY awful days. I wasn't happy, the kids weren't happy and daddy could see how miserable everyone was when he returned home in the evenings. And who wants to come home to misery?

So, here is my list of ways to take charge of our days and find peace. I am learning, incidentally, that it is not something you stumble upon and discover by chance. Finding peace really refers to actively choosing peace over discord, saying yes to love and no to anger, grabbing hold of calm and letting go of insanity.

Here are my steps to hopefully ease some daily stress:
1) Spending more time in Eucharistic Adoration and dedicated prayer time. (Hint: when you have to stop and think about the last time you purposely made time for Jesus, your life is already out of control!) I am always amazed at what time with our Lord, in His Real Presence does for my body, mind and soul. Then I always kick myself for slacking on this vital part of my life. When Jesus is not in the picture, my life is a mess. It's like that bumper sticker -- "No Jesus, No Peace. Know Jesus, Know Peace." Somewhat cheesy, but true.

2) Daily Goals with 3 REALISTIC expectations of completion. This does NOT mean:
#1. Cleaning the entire kitchen #2. Sanding and sealing the fence #3. Ironing the children's wardrobe. It means: #1. Wipe the kitchen counters #2. Sweeping sand off the deck #3. Doing one load of laundry. There is a big difference in my stress levels when I heap huge expectations and when I plan "baby steps" for household tasks. I do MUCH better with the small steps. A professor in grad school used to say that our "To Do" lists will NEVER get any shorter, so if you only cross off 2-3 things each day, consider that a success!

3) Walking or biking 2-3 times per week to get out of the house and BE ACTIVE! Now, I have never been a huge exercise person, but I do find that on days when we go for family walks, I feel better, I'm less stressed and everyone is a little more "ready" for bed at night. ;)

4) Making an effort to just BE and play with my kids in smaller, 10-15 minute intervals. My problem is that I am always thinking about what else I need to do, so as soon as I get the kids settled into an activity, I will get up and try to accomplish just *one more task* (e.g. loading dishes, cleaning a diaper, returning an email, etc.). Then, inevitably, one of my darlings will start whining (or shrieking in despair) and I have to come running back to where they are. At this point, I'm annoyed that I was interrupted and they are sad/angry/hurt over what transpired when I was not in the room. So, I sit down to play for a few minutes until they are content and then try to sneak off again in pursuit of completion. However, the cycle begins again with crying or unhappy noises. The end result??? NOTHING gets done and neither myself nor Cavan and Kellyn are happy! How is that good?

I find that if I just spend time with them . . . giving my FULL, undivided attention in a structured activity, they are then much more agreeable to let me get up and finish making dinner for 15-20 minutes. When I let go of my internal list of tasks, and just ENJOY them, I am a happier mama and they are much more content. Now I just have to remember to do this, without getting caught up in the busy, chaotic cycle.

You always read quotes and hear people tell you about how you should just cherish/enjoy/love your children because they will be grown before you know it. In these moments . . . in our current days, it is often hard to remember those words of wisdom. After all, it is difficult to see the outside world when you're drowning in the fishbowl. But those words of wisdom are exactly that . . . spoken from more experienced, wiser hearts and I pray that my heart takes heed.

"Dahb"

The latest reasons that my children are adorable:

Kellyn: Has recently gained an interest in animals and has started replicating their sounds. The best though is when she crawls around on the floor making a kitty noise and licking our feet. I could watch her do it all day!

Cavan: Has taken quite a shine to the movie "Finding Nemo." he loves to re-enact the scene where a number of seagulls chase after this crab who is being dangled above water. He tells me, "I be buwd ("bird"), you be dahb ("crab"). And then he starts saying, "Mine, mine, mine" like the gulls in the movie and then proceeds to bite me. Great stuff.

Homeschooling Part 1

Well, back in January I wrote a post making my intentions known to blog on a number of items this year. Since I've covered almost none of them, I think September is a good time to start checking a few things off the list.

My only experience with homeschooling as a young lad was when a home-schooled child would enter into my public school, usually socially awkward and struggling to keep up with the class work. It got to the point when a student would be discussed and then a party would mention, "Well, he was home-schooled" and then the other parties would say, "Ohhhh" while nodding their heads in recognition. "He's one of those kids . . . "

Needless to say it wasn't something I though much about as I entered college. Two things converged though around my junior year: Shannon and I started dating, and one of my co-workers at the music library home-schooled his two girls. The first thing was important because marriage and family was something that grabbed my attention for the first time; the latter was important because this was the first advocate for homeschooling I had ever encountered.

Intrigued by my discussions with Chris (my co-worker), I did a bit of research into the topic and wrote a paper for my Educational Psychology class. I found the research compelling, and started working on Shannon (I believe we were engaged by this time). She was predictably uncomfortable about the thought, but even she was no match for my persuasive arguments. : )

So it appears that we're sold on the subject, and will implement home-learning as the kids continue to age. In my next two posts (to come before 2008 : ), I'll discuss the two main objections to home-schooling: socialization and academics.

JP II in a batting cage

Very neat video about the late, great John Paul II. A very funny comment about 4 minutes into it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZ0BbN3m7bU

Little Miss Jabberwocki and Mr. Commentator

(Forgive me if the above is spelled incorrectly . . . I don't have time to look up the reference.)

If you have ever witnessed a little boy and little girl growing up, you have surely noticed differences in the way they behave. However, I have been amazed at the different ways my two have also developed in various areas. The biggest discrepancy between my kiddos has been in regards to language.

When Cavan was 16 months (Kellyn's age), he had a few signs such as "out", "more", "milk" and "help". He didn't really use words verbally though. He was still communicating, just not in your typical fashion. One of my favorite signs he made occurred when I would get home from work in the afternoons. He used to do this very cute "Milk Dance". He'd bounce up and down vigorously, flexing his knees, closing his fingers in both hands (milk sign) and give me this HUGE smile because he knew it was time to nurse!

Little Miss Kellyn, on the other hand, is making the beginnings of many words, such as "car", "poop", "Cavan" (which sounds a lot like "car" at this point since it is only "ka"), "pop", "off", "out", "more", "shoe", "toy", "book", "water", "eat", "pizza" and others that I can't recall right now. Clearly, she is using her words more than Cavan was. In addition to these, she has also shown an interest in the potty and its functions, which may be a passing fancy. But I may try to capitalize on that in a few months anyway. ;)

The neatest thing Kellyn is doing now is jabbering, or babbling, almost non-stop! She pulls open a book and just starts pointing and saying "Pa-ka-pa-ka-ta-da-ba" with an occasional glance up towards me and then resuming where she left off . . . "Ka-ka-ka-pa-da-pa-ka-ba". We don't know all of what she is saying, or even most of it for that matter, but we do know she is talking up a storm!

I was never concerned about Cavan's language development because I knew boys were slower in general and he was communicating with us in other ways. You'll all be happy to know that my late talker now will not give me one minute of quiet. ;) Car rides, playing games, reading books, loading the dishwasher, doing laundry, cleaning diapers . . . he will comment on EVERY BLOOMIN' THING! Now, don't get me wrong, I am grateful he is starting to talk so proficiently. It's just that I am starting to experience nightly headaches from the almost-constant noise. He frequently points out all the "raaace taaars" on the street and what he sees. He likes to give me a play-by-play of my actions as well . . .

Cavan: "Mama, you do . . . mama, you do . . . mama, you do dishes???"

Me: "Yes, Cavan. I am doing the dishes."

Cavan: "Why . . .why you . . . why you do-een dishes?"

Me: "Because they're dirty, honey."

Cavan: "Oooohhh. Bee-duz dey duhdee? (Pause.) Dat why you deen-een dem?"

Me: "Yes, Cavan. That is why I am cleaning them."

Cavan: "Oohh. You wite deen-een dishes?"

Me: "No, Cavan, I don't particularly like cleaning dishes but we need them to eat."

Cavan: "Oh. What we go-ween eat?"

And on and on . . . I think you get the picture. ;) People tell me I will miss the sounds that children make in my home when they are all grown and gone. For now, I just long for a few minutes of quiet. Whoever wrote the song was right because when you are a mom, silence is golden.

Happy Birthday, Cavan!

Three years ago . . .my whole world was turned on its back. While many people talk about the changes that being a parent brings, nobody could EVER give you a glimpse into the full extent of those changes! Take for instance, some of my fondest memories of life before children:

***Time ALONE in the bathroom.
***Being able to eat a meal in one sitting.
***Being able to eat a meal, without giving part of it to someone else.
***Being able to eat a meal . . . PERIOD.
***Quiet whenever I wanted to relish in it.
***Getting ready and leaving the house in under 60 minutes.
***Reading books that didn't always involve animals, cars or Disney characters.
***Reading books that were above first grade level.
***Sleeping in a bed, on my tummy, without having to worry about who willl wake up if I move one wrong muscle.
***Enjoying mass on Sundays and actually being able to not only hear the homily, but ponder it as well.

Don't get me wrong. I love my children and I would not undo any days of my life. Besides, much of the above is HIGHLY overrated. Here are some positives of having two little ones in our home:

***I have become very "efficient" in the bathroom. (My dear husband could still use some work on this one. ;)
***Eating a little less and staying active are not only great ways to keep an ideal weight, but they are also wonderful reminders of how blessed we are to have food in our bellies and two healthy children to chase after.
***When it is quiet, I'm just left with my thoughts. Okay, well if I had any time or quiet for thoughts, I might be left with them. But I'm a mom. Thoughts go out the window after childbirth and breastfeeding.
***Getting two kids ready to leave the house is a wonderful exercise in patience and creativity. And I have definitely improved my multitasking skills!
***Heath would tell you that I never actually finish reading any books I start anyway. So, at least now, I can proudly say, "Yes Heath. I have finished books. Just take a look at 'Goodnight Moon', 'Brown Bear, Brown Bear' and 'Pajama Time'! Would you like a report?"
***While there are nights when all I want is a King-size bed to myself, there is nothing to make a person feel more loved than two little bodies snuggled tightly against her. ;)
***Mass is another exercise in patience and humility for me. It truly is a battle against distractions, anger, annoyance and frustration. However, if it were easy, there would be no opportunity for growth, right? And isn't that what life is all about?

So, I wish my darling three year old a wonderful new year full of good surprises, growth and joy. It will be interesting to see what sorts of things he is saying and doing one year from now. Part of me does mourn the passage of time. I know that along with it, comes the inevitable change in our relationship. I realize all mothers and sons will go through that awkward, prepubescent shift in attitudes and interactions. But the deepest part of me is hoping that when that stage is all said and done, my "little boy" will still be able to give me a sloppy kiss with a big hug and say, "I love you sooo much, whooo wewd, toooo much, Mama!" (Interpretation: "I love you so much, bigger than the whole world, too much, Mama!")

Children Updates

Ah, my beloved children. Such blessings, such fun, such pains in the butt sometimes.


Cavan--

Turned three a week ago. His vocabulary is growing bit by bit, though I still need an interpreter (ie Shannon) for certain phrases and words. He's going through a "naked" phase. He loves to say, "I naked butt" as he runs through the house laughing. It's cute to an extent but he is reluctant sometimes to dress when we need to leave the house!

The other day he told me about a "mean boy" he saw at the park. We talked a little about how it's important that we be nice to this boy and not to be mean back to him. I told him that being mean makes Jesus sad and that we need to pray for this boy, which we did that night. We've had similar talks when we see guns or fighting on TV. Last night, he requested that we pillow fight on the bed; we did and about 2 minutes into it, he stopped and said, "No more fighting; fighting makes Jesus sad." Touche. I informed him that we were really just "playing" and that playing makes Jesus happy! That suitably convinced him and we were back at it after that.


Kellyn--

It really is fascinating to see how children grow the first couple years. As soon as she had her first birthday, she's matured so much. She started walking about 2 weeks later and she's really verbalizing quite a bit. A few words have come out of her mouth, somewhat recognizable. She already says a better "K" sound than Cavan (who still says "race tars"). She likes to dance to music (very cute!) and has recently discovered the wonder of popsicles!

Shannon has also been trying to wean her from night-nursing (we have a family bed, so both she and Cavan sleep with us); Shan will nurse her to sleep initially, but every time she gets up in the middle of the night, either Shannon or I have to walk with her and put her back down. I guess I've just been spoiled with both our children, since I almost never had to do that when they were under a year; when they would wake, Shan would just nurse them back down. Since we've started this process (hopefully nearing completion) a couple weeks ago, I've hardly had a good night's sleep. A good sacrifice, I guess . . .