Forcing Solutions

Just wanted to share an "aha!" moment I had with Kellyn a few weeks ago . . .

We were at the Urbana Library and Kellyn was playing with a dinosaur peg puzzle. Whenever she went to place one in its appropriate opening, it was just a little off. (She is only 20 months old, right?) It was either too high, too low, too left or too right. I observed how she responded to the situation. Each and every time, she would simultaneously 1) SCREAM and 2) push harder (as if that would make the piece fit). I sat back and thought, "Sweetie, that is not going to make it happen."

But it occurred to me how similarly *I* react when I face a challenge in life that I cannot solve. When I can't fix something or get immediate results or change an outcome, I too 1) SCREAM and 2) push harder. Much of this is, of course, in a figurative sense. However, sometimes the screaming is in a very real and literal sense. For instance, when I am trying to get somewhere with the kids and we are slow-moving in getting out of the house, my volume level begins to increase. As if talking louder but using the same words is going to derive a different result. Sometimes, my screaming and pushing are purely in the internal sense where I start shifting into hyperdrive and my stress levels are increasing in response to my need to control how things are happening and how quickly they are getting done. I do have to laugh at myself because I often get flustered at the amount of time it takes my children to do things. (HELLO!! They're preschoolers!) Yes, I know they are under the age of 4, but that doesn't stop my compulsive need to have things happen NOW. ;)

Like Kellyn, I try to force solutions. Sometimes by screaming and sometimes by pushing harder. What I have learned and what I know to be true is that those behaviors do NOT produce results. So, why on earth do I keep doing them?! (Think of that familiar definition of "insanity". . .) Well, quite simply (and inexcusably), because old habits are hard to break.

I am praying for a change in my dysfunctional thinking. I am praying for the strength to change unhealthy behaviors. I am praying for the openness to learn all that my children have to teach me. Most of all, I am praying that they don't repeat the dysfunctional cycles I have carried with me.

We cannot force anything in life . . . solutions, change, people, predicaments . . . because we are NOT in control. (As much as I like to fool myself into believing I am, I know full well I am not.) All we are in control of is how we react to life. This year, I would like to react with a little more joy and a little less force. Lord, give me a heart of joy and a spirit willing to do the work you have set before me.