Department of Motor Vehicles

"You mustn't f--- with the Department of Motor Vehicles. We can make your life a living hell."--License to Drive

An apt quote from a fun 80's movie. (I fell in love with Heather Graham when I first saw it.) Every single time I walk into the DMV, I get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't think I've ever escaped unscathed from there.

I went in last Friday to renew the sticker for the Prizm and I had high hopes as I walked in, as there was nary a person in the "renewal" line. I walked right up and started the process, holding my breath and hoping that it would be over as quickly as possible. I gave my license plate info, she found it and asked for a check for $86 (hey, wasn't it like $78 last year?!?). Right on the counter in front of me was a sign that said (and this is verbatim, mind you):

"Make checks payable to:
Secretary of State
Dept. of Revenue"

Easy enough. I wrote the check as the employee was going to get a receipt. But then she returned and said, "I can't take that check; you need to make it out to the "Secretary of State" only."

Now of course, my wife handed me a single check as I walked out the door, so I sort of just stared in disbelief for a second. After I regained my wits, I said to her (with an admittedly annoyed tone), "Well, you may want to change this little sign here . . . " and then she retorted before I could finish with, "No, I shoudn't change the sign, as some people need to make a check out to the Dept. of Revenue." (Her response was even more caustic than my own.)

Luckily (and this is not something you can take for granted at the DMV), they took Visa . . . for a 2.5% fee. Seriously, who charges a stinkin' fee for using credit anymore? I charged the increased amount, grabbed my sticker and fled before my soul was damaged any further.

I sure wish a trip like this was the exception, but this actually was one of the more pleasant experiences I've had in that Purgatory. Why must it be like this? Though this post could take a number of directions at this point, let me just try to use the DMV as an example of how the government shouldn't run anything.

--Have you ever noticed that you walk in the door of the DMV and stand in one large line while 3-5 other tellers aren't doing anything? The large line is to tell you where you need to stand in line next . . . thanks. Could we not have 2-4 "info" lines and put some of the human capital that's already there to work? Apparently when you're trained to work at the DMV, you learn one particular skill and that's it. And so if no one comes in for 2 hours needing a sticker renewal (which probably happens a lot at the beginning of the month), you don't do anything, especially not help the overworked info line person.

--Of course, a government agency like this can afford to be wasteful with people's time and their own employees as they aren't directed by profits or losses, as the free market is. They use tax money, which is a lot like Monopoly money for many govt. agencies.

--What would happen if a private business was opened up to compete with the DMV? The DMV would be empty. A savvy entrepreneur would make the experience so much better for the consumer by doing one or all of the following:

1) Making a more attractive atmosphere

2) Shortening the average time a consumer has to spend in the DMV

3) Making the on-line and/or snail mail renewal less of a hassle

4) Hiring fewer and/or more efficient, and friendlier employees (gosh, why do they always act like you're less than a person?)

5) Along with number 4, creating a better work environment for their employees so they aren't always such sour-pusses, and employee turnover is low (so as not to waste resources by having to constantly hire and train new people)

6) Make better use of electronic resources (once, I had to watch while they filled out a paper form for a transfer of title . . . why not either have me fill it out myself while I'm waiting in line or type it into a stinkin' computer so the info is always there!) and making payment easier (they'll take checks for some things, but not other things . . . and they'll take cash for some things, but not other things . . . and they charge a fee for credit card transactions!)

7) Hire someone that speaks Spanish!

--But of course, the government would never allow this . . . they know that they couldn't match up to the competition.