"I Help"

Shortly after his second birthday, Cavan hit a huge language milestone---that of putting two words together in phrases! As a speech-language pathologist, I was patiently waiting its debut. Female counterparts of Cavan's age had been running circles around him verbally (which is common for girls), so I was one proud mama when he began saying things like "juice please" or "mo' chik" (for "more chicken"). I can't say I was ever worried about his language development. Nonetheless, it is a bit disconcerting when friends' daughters were requesting food items in elaborate sentences and using appropriate manners to do so while our son was pointing and saying "ba" for ball.

Currently, it seems as if Cavan acquires new words daily (even ones you would rather not have him repeat). Honestly, I seldom swear...but leave it to a developing mind to repeat the one word you don't want him to and NOT repeat the many words you have asked him to say. Personally, I think it is because "shhh" is such a fun noise to produce. :) Some words that he now uses often include various animal noises (you have to hear them to believe them), "hi" (for hide), "nee" (for green), "bwee" (for please), "wewew" (for welcome), "awn" (for orange), "mo" (for more, milk, nose, snow and no...yeah, talk about confusing), "see" (for see, sing, sit, seat, ceiling, sick) and one of my favorites, "shar" (for shark). For our son, it is not just enough to talk about sharks. We also have to BE sharks. Cavan loves to run around, bearing his teeth, snapping his jaws, growling and chasing his parents as a ferocious shark. For his parents, it is a fun game for the first five minutes. ;) Sometimes, he will also throw in the phrase "shar bye, shar bye" which means "sharks bite". (As if we couldn't figure that out from his game, right?)

In addition to his verbal expansion, his eagerness to help has also grown by leaps and bounds in the past few months! Whenever I begin any task (e.g. laundry, dishes, picking up, watering plants), he usually comes running over exclaiming "I howp! I howp!". His "help" sounds more like some sort of mini-dog yelp, but it is oh so endearing. Often, his "help" hinders his mom more than anything. (Envision climbing up a flight of stairs with a toddler holding one end of a very full laundry basket or trying to sweep up a dirt pile that little feet keep cutting through.) But he gets so excited about helping me, about doing his part in a chore...how can a mother refuse?! I don't want to discourage such positive behavior so early. Yes, it would go much quicker if I do it myself, but it probably would not be nearly as enjoyable. If I'm lucky, maybe this willingness to help around the house will last through puberty...if not, at least I should do my part to promote his good community behavior while it is present.

There are some tasks where Cavan actually IS a big help to me, including filling up our bird feeder, sorting diapers, picking up toys, putting away tupperware and watering plants. Recently, he has also shown interest in helping change the baby's diaper. As long as it isn't dirty, that goes smoothly as well. I've recently pondered if God in all his wisdom has sent me this beautiful child to help unravel yet another personal stumbling block of mine...control. I would not categorize myself as a "control-freak", but I will admit I am a closet coveter of control. It has always been easier to do things myself rather than ask someone else to complete the task. That way, I know a) it's done right and b) that it will actually get done. Once children come along, your ability to control daily life slips away like grains of sand falling out of your tightly clutched hand. Humility goes hand-in-hand with relinquishing control. Because for me, asking for help does not come easily. Nor does accepting it for that matter. Realizing I could use help is never the issue. The issue has always been asking and accepting. (I never expected my 2-year old to be helping me with this issue!) I guess with Cavan's daily offers to help, God keeps tapping me on the shoulder...whispering "let go, just let go". Now, it's up to me to work on opening my own hands, letting the sand fall out and accepting help...even if it is coming from smaller and younger hands.

Authentic Feminism

Disclaimer: This may be considered by many a very controversial post, so please be aware that what is written is not meant to offend. Rather, it is intended as an avenue for me to share my thoughts in hopes that it may trigger new ideas, comments and discussion on the issue below.

My last post on the differences between men and women in regards to love and respect sparked some other thoughts that I feel warranted another post. This has also come up in our household as Heath frequently teases me about being a "pseudo-feminist". He claims that I don't follow enough of the feminist agenda to really be aligned with their cause or rightfully call myself a "feminist". I, however, take an entirely different view. Arguing that there are many different camps in feminisim, I will focus mostly on the two extremes. There is "radical feminism" and then there is what I label "authentic feminism". Allow me to elaborate.

Many in American society are very familiar with the popular feminist movement, and here is where radical feminists abound. In radical feminism you will find women who:

• --believe in the almighty power of the birth control pill--believe she can do whatever she wishes with her own body
• --support a woman's right to choose in the life and death matters of her unborn child
• --fight to prove their equality to men (sometimes too desperately so and to their own detriment)
• --advocate that all women need to be in the workforce (to prove their worth in the point preceding this one)
• --feel threatened by women who actively choose to stay home with their children, sometimes taking it as a personal attack on the whole feminist agenda

While I could probably write paragraphs on each point above (and I am sure I will in later posts), I will keep this somewhat short and elaborate more on what I like to call "authentic feminism". Since I really do not agree with any of the above points, this is where Heath laughs when I say I am a feminist. He claims I cannot call myself a feminist if I do not believe in their cause. However, I feel the feminist cause has been hijacked by the most radical extreme and thus, warped the entire cause, movement and agenda. I believe feminism is a movement that respects a woman as a whole. This includes her fertility and reproductive organs that some radical feminists would much rather do away with entirely, so as not to have any thing putting them on a different plane than men. Here are the points of adhering to what I believe was the original intentions of true or "authentic feminism". These are women who:

• --believe in the rhythmic power of a woman's naturally occurring cycles, given to her by God
• --believes her body is something to be respected and nurtured, not dominated and subdued
• --supports a woman in all aspects of her life, even when that role may change (e.g single, wife,mother, sister, daughter, friend, etc.)
• --realize the inherent equality of value with men, knowing that differences do not necessarily mean "better/worse"
• --advocate that all women need to discover their worth by doing the work they were individually called to do in this world
• --respect that very often, for mothers, that means staying at home to care for their children (instead of entering the common workforce and leaving the child in daycare)

Now, before anyone gets in a huffy puff, please understand some of the differences I am referring to above. I do realize that not every family can afford for mothers to stay home and I think that is a tragedy, reflecting the state of our country's failure to support families. There are so many women who want to stay home, but feel they cannot for whatever circumstances abounding in their lives. *THAT* is what is tragic to me. We fight so hard to make "choices" for ourselves and yet so often, we are not free to choose the one that is most important--the choice to be with our children and families.

Sometimes (and sadly), it is just a matter of convenient living. Lord knows that Heath and I would LOVE a second income (it sure would help pay off those mountains of student loans that I have!), but we are making some sacrifices in lifestyle so I can be with our children full-time. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I wish I had a break and I guess that would equate to working somewhere else...but I have never thought I should be working instead of with my kids. As tough as this job is, I feel it is the one I have been called to perform. It is where God is calling me to be. It may not always be easy, but it is where I am finding the most freedom in fulfilling His will and not mine.

Sports and Hollywood

I had a fine conversation with a co-worker the other day over lunch in which the absurdities of the worlds of sports and Hollywood came up.

The topic was broached when the cafeteria television showed some clips of a particular actress or singer whose dress for the (Name) Awards cost approximately $450,000 (or was it $800,000 . . . ?). It was covered in diamonds.

Now considering that, at my current salary, it would take me well over a decade to make 450 grand, this kind of spending seems a bit preposterous to me. Have these awards shows really set the bar this high? If so, it wouldn't surprise me, considering all the excesses of these two worlds.

Consider: an athlete being paid 25 million to play baseball 9 months a year, actors demanding 20 million dollars per movie, Oprah being paid enough to purchase whole African countries to host a talk show . . .

What's the effect of these exorbitant salaries? A descent into idiocy it seems . . . a few examples:

Cameron Diaz's remark during the 2002 election that "if you think rape should be legal, then don't vote!"

Latrell Sprewell's (basketball player) remark that he has "a family to feed" after being outraged at an offer of $21 million over a period of three years, substantially less than what his previous contract had paid him.

Hollywood's infatuation with Scientology . . . 'nuff said.


These people are clearly not living in the real world. What I'm waiting for is an actor to step up and say, "Geez, I don't need all that money! I'll do the movie for 30 grand! Let's give the rest to charity." I won't hold my breath . . .

More Love

Cheesy title? Yes, but those who know me well, know that I love cheese. I actually used to be a MUCH bigger ball of cheese in my younger days. Anyway...to the point.

Tonight, Heath and I danced. We slow-danced. In our living room, with our children watching. (I know, insert "gag me" motion.) Well, actually, Cavan kept crawling through our legs acting like a puppy dog, but he was intrigued and very observant nonetheless. :) To be honest, I can't remember the last time Heath and I danced in our home with one another. We've danced at weddings, but there is just something soooo comfortable and romantic about dancing with your spouse in your home, around your children....spontaneously. It was very, very nice.

It reminded me of our earlier courtship days...we often slow-danced while dating and frequently held hands, whispering "sweet nothings" about our future together. Once children come along, you find that you have less and less time for these things, as well as the energy to do them. For me, having the energy to do things is the bigger issue. I walk around many days with lots of great intentions for my home and doing things for others (i.e. sending cards, making calls, returning emails...), but the days get away from me much quicker than I anticipate.

I have often heard that life literally flies once children enter into the picture. That seems to be pretty true thus far. I can't believe my first baby is over two years old, with a new vocabulary that is rapidly expanding by the day! And I really can't believe that the little girl I birthed in our home this past May is already 6 months...getting ready to sit up and crawl all on her own. Don't get me wrong, it's exciting to watch some of these changes but each milestone they hit is one more of independence. (I have this constant tug of war inside of me--one side wanting them to be more independent and one side clinging to my babes.) Such is life, I guess. I once heard a quote that goes something to the effect of: each step children take is one more away from you. I just pray I can guide their steps in love and faith.

Now that this post has turned into a rambling about my babies, I will get back to the point. :) Heath and I recently went on a Marriage Enrichment Day at our church. It was a wonderful day and extremely refreshing to have some "mommy and daddy" time! Those events are set up to give couples time to discuss specified topics and thought-provoking questions. One speaker talked about the difference between men and women, how we tend to express ourselves and what we tend to want from our partner. He said women want love and men want respect. At first, I thought that was oversimplifying the issue, but once he spoke in greater depth and gave an actual blow-by-blow description of a conflict that unfolded between a husband and wife, it made a TON of sense to me. He emphasized that husbands usually don't fear their wives do not love them, even in arguments. They KNOW she loves him. But they don't know if she respects him. Vice versa for women. When we are in conflict, we don't know if we are being loved. So the cycle goes round and round and how we intend to express ourselves is sometimes misinterpreted by the other.

The moral of this schpiel? I have come to realize that most days, while I am sure that Heath knows I love him, I fail to use that little bit more energy required to SHOW him my love. I get caught in a daily "mom rut" of meeting all the needs of our children, while struggling to meet my own (i.e. meals, shower, etc.) and frequently failing to meet anything outside of that (i.e. house, Heath, friendships). Mostly because it's tiring to think of using that little bit MORE energy, that little bit more LOVE. That takes more work, right? But Christ has called us all to live life, to live life abundantly and to live life sacrificially for others. When I use more love in my daily actions (even if it requires more of my energy, time and efforts), it is inevitably poured onto my family and friends. THAT is truly living and THAT is truly loving. So, I am setting a goal for myself that I may be more loving to my husband by showing a greater respect for him and what he does for our family. Since love must be in action to be alive, I will make a greater effort to show my love and respect through my daily actions. These may include things like keeping the house a little tidier, not having so much laundry piled up, maybe cooking a little more than usual and one of my all-time favorites, slow-dancing in our living room.

Election season

Well it all ends tomorrow, thank God . . . yes, you know that of which I speak: political "ads" on television.

I'm sorry, but I find these things absolutely despicable. Yes, I want to know the ins and outs of the prospective candidates but if I'm gathering all my info from these television ads, I'm in trouble.

A typical one looks a bit like this:

(Cue ominous music and black-and-white still photos of opponent where he looks like he just got out of bed.)

Narrator: "Senator Jim Smith is a big piece of crap. Not only does he line the pockets of his cronies with your tax money, but he also likes to trip little kids when they're running past him. Do we really want 6 more years of this?"

(Music changes to more lighter fare; the challenger is wearing jeans a nice button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up; he's speaking to three guys in hardhats)

Narrator: "But Peter Jones is the new face of Illinois. Peter used to work 8 jobs after school and he once saved a family of five when their house caught fire. He'll single-handedly knock on your door and give you a check for $1000 and then come in and clean your kitchen. He'll create 28 million jobs in the five minutes after he's elected and cut 90% of your income tax. Isn't it about time for a change?"


And then five minutes later, you see the exact opposite; Peter Jones once molested his neighbor's cat and Senator Smith already created 28 million jobs in the five minutes between commercials. Yeesh.

I'd love for a candidate to rise above all this mud-slinging one year and say, "I'm not going to try to beat my opponent into submission; I've got more integrity than that. Instead, I'll fess up to my mistakes in the past, ask for your forgiveness, and then tell you everything I hope to do once I'm in office. And I promise not to sleep with my secretary . . . "

I'd vote for him . . .

First musings to share...

Well, my loving husband jokingly commented that it's *my* turn to post. I can see how this could easily start a mini-tug-of-war. In reality, he would win if posting becomes a contest, so I will concede before we even begin. ;)

Just wanted to post a couple of side notes as to the description line under our blog title...yes it is a "high life" we lead indeed, but I am referring more so to the chaos that ensues within the walls of our home. I am continually amazed at how Heath's grandparents did it with 7 and 10 children in their respective households and yet, were able to find some semblance of normalcy in life! Here I am struggling with two. Hopefully, it gets easier...or maybe you just get better at it...or maybe you just lose your mind and then it doesn't matter after that point. In all honesty, our children are the biggest blessings in our lives. Of course, that does not mean it is a challenge to serve them as their parents.

"Crunchy" is a description that comes up in many natural-living families. You may have also heard "granola" or "nutty" as well. Some things we practice/believe in that categorize us as crunchy include natural childbirth, homebirth, cloth diapering, extended breastfeeding, babywearing and co-sleeping (AKA family bed). These are the parts of our lives that Heath affectionately labels my "hippie tendencies". "Conservative" is somewhat self-explanatory, but I'll elaborate. We consider ourselves moral conservatives rather than using the term to identify our politics (although the former does affect the latter). I think the major issue that defines us as conservatives is that we are fiercely pro-life. This extends even into the embryonic stem cell issue, as well as abortion and euthanasia. Speaking of morals, there is a source for them. We are Catholics. "Catholic" is probably the most self-explanatory term in our descriptor. We work hard to be faithful Catholics, putting into daily practice and living out the virtues and morals handed down by the Church. That doesn't mean it is easy, at least for me anyway. Some days, I seem to be challenged hourly and with each passing minute on how I am going to choose to respond to a situation. With patience or with unvirtue-like behavior....at times, I can almost *feel* the little angel and devil on each one of my shoulders. I pray that I choose patience more often than not.

Which finally leads me to today's musing...patience. This is a virtue I prayed to grow in during my first pregnancy with Cavan. Many days, I don't think that praying worked. But then other days, I receive some small encouragement from Heath or family/friend or an outsider on how "patient" I am being. Now, I don't think I would choose that word to describe myself, but if others see it...then maybe I am at least making progress, right? And ultimately, isn't that what life is about? Progress??? About us growing as individuals, as the children of God we are called to be, as better parents, friends...just better people in general. Now, this is not to say that I think it is "enough" to be a good person. I think there is much more to life than that, but growing, progressing and changing for the better...I think that is a darn good start.

Welcome to the Madness!

Well, we thought it was about time we tried our hand in the blogosphere, much to the chagrin of all those respectable bloggers who have paved the way.

Actually, my beloved and I have talked about this for some time now just to have an outlet for thoughts on topics of interest. This hopefully will also be a way for some friends and family to keep up with the day-to-day craziness that takes place within the walls of our home.

As far as our blog title, it's a hat tip to my good friend Nick Dolce who loved his High Life back when we were roommates in college and loved to remind us that it was the "Champagne of Beers" when we would give him crap about it. And no, we didn't misspell Champagne/Champaign; Champaign, IL is our current locale, much to our delight. More on that later . . .

So welcome to both of you that will actually read this blog (probably my mom and Nick); I hope it's an edifying experience for all of you!

Sincerely,
The Morber Clan

Hello from the mama!

Greetings everyone and welcome to our family blog. ;) Yes, this seems to be the "trendy" thing to do, doesn't it? Knowing that Heath and I don't generally follow trends (e. g. cell phones), you're probably wondering what this is all about. (Cue scratching of your head with a bewildered look) Well, we figured this would be a wonderful and easy way to keep up with family members, share some musings on daily life and maybe post some family pics along the way. Meanwhile, I also now have a free outlet for my rantings and ravings on various life issues. Aren't you lucky?

Posts from me will generally be about "mama" issues that tend to get me fired up (or the most recent ones I'm struggling with). These include, but are not limited to: childbirth, breastfeeding, homeschooling, raising our children to be faithful and lively Catholics and the daily antics of trying to maintain sanity in a house with a toddler and babe. I have a feeling you may be hearing about more of my struggles than triumphs as I am learning every day what a long way I have to grow. Please feel free to comment, respectfully disagree or shake your head in disbelief at anything I post. I hope if nothing else, our blog may bring you some chuckles and food for thought.
Shannon